Leaning into Trust
I wondered, “What is it like up there,” as I shifted my focus to the eternal and spiritual realities of heaven. It was about 10 a.m. and I had come to the point where worry and my own self-obsession had become distasteful even to me. All I could seem to come up with was worry after worry about circumstances that weren’t even happening. “What did God want of me? What about this detail or that one? What as the right decision?” The need for control started to consume me.
I had been down this control and worry rabbit trail before, and I knew it was not a road I wanted to take. So I stopped and looked to God for help. I asked Him to show me what the right move was about a decision I wanted to make. In that moment, I realized that I was placing a need for a decision that God wasn’t even asking of me.
I wanted answers to some (what could or could not turn out to be) big and important decisions in my life. The problem was that those answers weren’t mine to have at that moment or in that season.
As I continued to seek God in prayer that morning, He instructed me with something so ridiculously simple that it might make you laugh. In the midst of my big picture processing about every “what if” circumstance life could throw at me, He said with such security and gentleness, “Go get a haircut.” This instruction, though seemingly random as I share it with you now, was relevant to the discussion we were having in some roundabout way I don’t fully know yet. But it certainly wasn’t the response I was looking for and it seemed slightly too simple.
To take this step of obedience, though small in and of itself, had much depth to it. It wasn’t necessarily about the haircut, although that was a piece of the puzzle. It was about taking a step of faith in hearing God’s voice again. It was about stepping back into an intimate relationship with Him. It was about believing that I was safe because He was and is with me through every moment in life's journey. Most importantly, it was about trusting in God’s faithfulness, righteousness, sovereignty, and glory– not in myself or in my own understanding.
In all of this, I came to realize how often worry, selfishness, and the desire for control was robbing me of true and abundant life. I started to see how much time and energy it stole throughout my day. My eyes were opened to my own depravity and I could see the devastating impact it was having in my love for the Lord and for other people. I was convicted and I was forced with a few challenges to my mindset:
I either trust God or I don’t.
God is who He says He is or He isn’t.
My life is in His hands or it’s not.
I knew Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I was confident that I could rest in the fact that the latter of the these statements could not be the case. In remembrance of that truth, I was left with only one response– to trust and obey, following His lead.
My big picture questions remained unanswered, but in light of His glorious presence the worries had disappeared. His loving gaze upon my heart always has a way of setting everything into place. I no longer had to know the future because I was beholding the One who held my future in His hands.
As I wondered how much joy and contentment I was missing out on in the process of all this unnecessary worry, it led me to a some new perspectives:
I don’t want to miss this season's calling because I am wishing for the next.
I don’t want to crave the cares of this world when I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing.
And I especially don’t want to worry when I have been gifted with a beautiful Savior to trust.
Each day we are presented with opportunities that will move us towards worry or trust. The enemy will tempt us to worry, but for those who are in Christ Jesus, God’s Spirit will lead us to trust. Yes, the realities of physical and spiritual hardships are real–but so is God’s great love, mercy and victory in Jesus Christ!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6